Sebuah Perpisahan Sementara untuk Om Ajie.

Sebenarnya tidak tepat bila saya bilang bahwa ini adalah sebuah perpisahan.

Oumar Ghazie, seorang teman, kakak, om, atau papa; begitulah kami memanggil sosok om Ajie. Hari ini 16 Januari 2011, om Ajie dipanggil oleh Sang Khalik menghadap keharibaan-Nya pada usia 41 tahun.

Saya selalu menilai bahwa om Ajie adalah sosok yg selalu ramah, penuh senyum, bersahabat dan tulus.

Seperti sebuah tagline makanan ringan anak-anak: “Kesukaan Anak Indonesia” om Ajie selalu menjadi pribadi yg bisa saya bilang, menyenangkan. Baik sebagai seorang teman, kolega, mentor, bahkan sebagai seorang atasan. Tidak heran kabar duka kepergian om Ajie mengejutkan semua orang yg pernah mengenalnya.

Semua yg pernah mengenal beliau pasti setuju kalau om Ajie itu hampir tidak pernah marah. Selalu tersenyum. Namun, kini tidak ada lagi senyum om Ajie yg sudah jadi signature-nya.

Usia memang sudah menjadi rahasia Ilahi.

Saya, kami, teman-teman, juga merasa kehilangan atas kepergian om Ajie.

Mungkin hanya lahir yg berpisah, tapi om Ajie tidak pernah pergi dari kenangan kami.

Mbak Vira, semoga selalu diberi kekuatan, keikhlasan, dan ketabahan untuk melampaui ini semua.

Om Ajie, selamat jalan. Perpisahan ini cuma untuk sementara, kita akan bertemu lagi pada waktunya nanti.

You’ll be missed…

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(Things that happen in) your life and others

Had this conversation with a colleague over Roast Pekking Duck this noon, and I’m sure most of us had had this question came across our mind once in a while.

The question is: ” What if never met him/her/them?”

Yeah…what if?

I always believe we’re all here in this world with a purpose. And I learnt that we’re all meant to be. People around us, are like food for our soul, it teach us how to fulfill our hunger and tastes of this life. Although, just like food that we ate, each of them have a different taste and they’re all have an expiry date. Some give us the sweet taste in our life, some sour, some savory, some even bitter. Some only good for a little while, some  good for forever. Surely, they will leave a taste that we never forget in life.

One thing lead to another.

Family, friends, etc. but my conversation over lunch was popped the what if’s of my love life.

“What if my ex-boyfriend never hurt me? What if we never break up?; What if I never open myself again after a heartbreak 3,5 years ago?; What if I never wrote “Thank you for viewing my profile. You’re cute. Too bad you’re in Milan” to my boyfriend?; What if we never meet in Starbucks that evening?; What if he never said “Ilham, I’d like to invite you for a dinner?”; What if we never had that 10 hours conversation?; What if we never love each other?; What if we never continent apart?; What if we never had fight?; What if…What if…What if…”

For me, his purpose in my life is to make me a better person, to think not just about today but the future, to maximize my expertise and be best on what I’m good at yet be humble for what I have achieved.

All I can say, from asking those questions, I’m grateful I have him in my life. I thank the universe that finally made us meet that afternoon. Thank you for loving me. And I love you, now and will always be.

What Do We Learn From Life? Learn From Your Loved Ones

You live, you learned. That’s what people says, and its undeniably true. Sometimes we only see life only from the surface, but eventually only your loved ones see it with a different perspective.

 

Wiseman says, you need to take one step back before you take a leap. Most of us are too busy lingering in life problematics, lingering in the past. And all we heard from people around us would say: “I know how you feel” or “I’m with you, hun”. But those aren’t cliche, they mean what they’ve said. No doubts.

 

They help you without you realizing it. It called: Strength. Of course they want the best for you, and yes it seemed that it is the least but you need it from the one you love. Your parents, they’d give you wise word as they been through more life problems. Your partner, they’d hug and kiss you on forehead. Your kids, they’d give you the sweetest smile. Your friends, would pat you on the shoulder. They all know you could go through this. Learn this from them. Embrace this to your soul.

 

Those who stays with you during your hardship and stay true to your heart, are the ones that really love you without hesitation. A heart as big as the world, a patience as wide as the oceans.

Love is Humble

klik disini untuk versi Bahasa Indonesia

When you are being asked, what is love? What would be your answer?

For me, love is humble

Be humble so that the heart may love. As simple as a prayer, love comes from simple things. But, sometimes we forgot how humble to love is. Afraid of losing and arrogance makes us greedy for love; and eventually the humbleness of love slowly fade away.

As the love between Hamid and Zainab blossoms through their humbleness of their heart. By the beach Zainab said to Hamid, “Hamid, bring my prayer with you through your pilgrimage to Mecca, my prayer is to be married to a person that I love (you), and that very person to love me in return,” quoted from a movie based on Buya Hamka, Dibawah Lindungan Ka’bah/Under the Grace of Ka’bah (1978).

Hamid accept his banishment from the village and from people that he love without fear, Zainab waits with courage for Hamid’s return until death do their parts. Zainab and Hamid never unite as lover not because of complexity of the world around them, but the love that no longer humble from people around them.

“God, the Most Grace and Merciful, under the grace of Holy Ka’bah, in the house of God where I lift my hands and pray for your blessing. To whom should I ask for mercy but You. There’s nothing I can hold on to but You, no door shall I close for Your door is always open. Grant me serenity for I to be in Your embrace; to be with people that I love that gone to You before me. O God, for You are the Almighty and to you we shall return…”

Love (prayer) that Zainab and Hamid believe till deaths do their part.

From this novel and film, I understand better that to love is to be humble. Humbleness keeps love live eternally inside our heart, even distance apart. Love is humble and will always be.

Cinta Itu Sederhana

click here for English version 

Bila ada yg bertanya, apa itu cinta? Apa jawaban anda?

Buat saya cinta itu adalah sederhana.

Kesederhanaan hati untuk saling mengasihi. Sesederhana sebuah doa, cinta datang dari hal yg sederhana. Terkadang kita lupa akan kesederhanaan cinta. Kekhawatiran akan kehilangan dan keangkuhan hati membuat kita serakah akan cinta; dan akhirnya terlupakanlah kesederhanaan sebuah cinta.

Seperti saat cinta antara Hamid dan Zaenab mulai bersemi. Ditepi pantai Zainab berkata kepada Hamid, “Hamid, aku titipkan doaku bila kau pergi haji. Doaku menikah dengan orang yg aku cintai dan orang itu juga mencintai aku.”  Seperti kalimat yg saya petik dari film yg diangkat dari novel karya (alm.) Buya Hamka, Dibawah Lindungan Ka’bah (1978).

Cinta sederhana Hamid terhadap adat-agama membuatnya ikhlas dijauhkan dari orang-orang yg dicintainya, cinta sederhana Zainab menunggu dengan ikhlas sang kekasih hati yang diusir dari kampungnya hingga ajal menjemput. Zainab dan Hamid tidak pernah bersatu, bukan karena kerumitan dunia disekeliling mereka, namun karena cinta yg tidak lagi sederhana dari orang-orang terdekat mereka.

” Ya Rabbi, ya Tuhanku, Yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, di bawah lindungan Ka`bah, rumah Engkau yang suci dan terpilih ini, saya menadahkan tangan memohon kurnia. Kepada siapa lagi yang saya akan pergi memohon ampun, kalau bukan Engkau ya Tuhanku! Tidak ada suatu tali pun tempat saya bergantung, lain daripada tali Engkau, tidak ada pintu yang akan saya tutup, lain daripada pintu Engkau. Berilah kelapangan jalan buat saya, saya hendak pulang ke hasrat Engkau; saya menuruti orang-orang yang dahulu daripada saya, orang-orang yang bertali hidupnya dengan hidup saya. Ya Rabbi, Engkaulah Yang Maha Kuasa, kepada Engkaulah kami sekalian akan kembali…..”

Cinta (doa) yang dibawa oleh Zainab dan Hamid hingga akhir hayat mereka.

Dari novel dan film ini saya semakin mengerti untuk mencintai dengan sederhana. Kesederhanaan membuat cinta hidup abadi dalam hati, walau sekalipun jarak memisahkan. Cinta itu sederhana dan selalu sederhana.

Bedhaya, Dance As Old As Time

Dance. A word that has been exist as old as time. A tradition that has always been a part of human existence since long time ago.

And in particular, Javanese tradition is closely related to dances. Every dance has its own grace. It has deep meaning to every movement of fingers to every costume ornaments wore by the dancers’; it symbolized emotions, history, mystery, and even philosophy.

From few Mataram dances (Yogyakarta and Surakarta), some are consider sacred, where it performance are strictly by the presence of the Sri Sultan or Sri Susuhunan, and only selected relatives of the palace (Abdi Dalem) who can perform it.

Bedhaya. The oldest form of dance in every Mataram kingship. Dated to the court of Sultan Agung of Mataram (1613–1645), however the existence of the dance is not clearly documented until the late 18th century.

We’ve been told that Bedhaya has it deep mystical meaning to the Sultans, epitomized the elegant (alus) character of the royal court, and an important symbol of the ruler’s power. Bedhaya is a transliteration of the relationship of the first king of Mataram, Panembahan Senopati with the Goddess of the South Sea, Nyi Roro Kidul.

photo courtesy of kompas.com

And ever since Panembahan Senopati divided the kingdom into Surakarta and Yogyakarta, both palaces remain to perform the Bedhaya to each court’s special occasion until now. Always performs in odd numbers of dancers, usually 9 (nine) females, although during some period in the nineteenth century, the dancers in Yogyakarta were young men dressed as women. The combination of characteristics of both sexes was thought to have a special spiritual power. Formerly, the nine dancers were the creation of a deity, who were brought to life, and offered the dance to their maker in gratitude. Latter, the dance was created when Kangjeng Ratu Kidul fell in love with the Sultan, and danced the Bedhaya for him; the nine dancers in the modern dance represent the spirit of the goddess.

It sacredness, both the song and the dance associated with it, it is only allowed to be rehearsed every 35 days. All rehearsals, and especially the performance, must be accompanied by offerings; the dancers must fast and undergo ritual purification; they must be in bridal dress and cover the upper part of their bodies in turmeric; and when the text is copied, a few intentional mistakes are inserted to avoid copying a sacred text literally. This is all because during any performance or rehearsal, the deputies of Ratu Kidul are said to be present.

To both palaces, Bedhaya has different forms; Bedhaya Ketawang in Surakarta (Solo), and the Bedhaya Semang in Yogyakarta. In Surakarta, the dance continuously performed at least once a year to commemorate the ascension of the current Susuhunan(prince) of Surakarta. Whilst in Yogyakarta, some Bedhaya dances are kept exclusively to its close relatives and an invitation to anyone outside of the inner circle of the court is a considerable honour.

As the courtesan of Yogyakarta palace from my grandma, R.Aj. Soemartijah, I am well remembered that she took me to the Siti Hinggil (Grand Hall) in 1992 to attend one of the royal occasion and one of the Bedhaya performed there. Latter, I found out that the dance called Menak Nitih Garuda. This dance is taken from The Menak Cina Chronicle (The Ballade of Amir Hamzah), about the battle of two female warriors riding Garuda (mythical creature half human half bird), Dewi Kuroisyin (Persian princess) against Dewi Widaningrum (Chinese princess). This dance was created by HM Sri Sultan Hamengku Buwono V (1820-1855) himself in The Royal Court Kraton Yogyakarta.

 

Female Circumcision: Derived from An Explicable Tradition

“Yes Sir, you should know it is a compulsory for women to undergone female circumcision, because women have high libido,” said a taxi driver that drove us back from the hospital yesterday (06/20/11), after taking my 2 months old niece for regular immunisation shot. His statement that based on religious reasons on why female should have the circumcision procedure agitated me somehow, but I resisted commenting back, knowing that we’re not in best circumstances to argue about this issue. So I was just listening and observe where the conversations lead to and at some point it eventually end.

Reproductive health risks include a loss of sexual sensation, chronic urinary tract infections, and painful intercourse (Heise 1993). Women and girls are not informed of these health risks. There’s no clinically proven that female circumcision benefit women. And yet, in my strongest opinion, this rite of passage is merely a tradition.

Tra·di·tion (noun) 1. The transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way; 2. A long-established custom or belief that has been passed on in this way.

I was raised in Moslem family, and mind as well as the taxi driver; we’ve been told from generation to generation in his family that this is necessary to conduct in every female. But things have changed; unlike our predecessor, we now questioned why the reason behind.

However, female circumcision is not even mentioned in the Koran, and it is unknown in predominantly Muslim countries outside of Africa, such as Saudi Arabia and Iraq. What seems likely is that when Islam came to Africa, its emphasis on purity became associated with the existing practice of female circumcision (Abusharaf 1998).

Symbolic interactionism argues that individuals and societies develop the meanings attached to symbols through social interactions. Individual’s interactions involve an exchange of information from individuals to other individuals (Andrea Nichols). And that’s merely how tradition is passing from time to time.

And yet again back to the taxi driver statement that saying female circumcision is to prevent women libido, it come to my consciousness that in society, not only traditions, but when it comes to social regulatory that might involving women as object, men are tend to put their object (women) as first to point the blame on for any misbehavior men might do with a justification to prevent women to misbehaving by limiting women.

In Indonesia itself, for example, Anti-Pornography Bill is cornering women for improper behavior and that immoral behavior are because women do not behave politely and do not cover themselves properly from the very eyes of men. This understanding puts woman as the victim. Women are also deemed responsible for sexual crimes.

And in most of Asian country, although women are mainly the decision maker in the family and largely to involve in most society or even regulatory governance, it’s undeniably that men are still in a huge control to every law and regulation that applicable in society; and sadly, women are still a minority.

Also read: http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/home/female-circumcision-decree-must-be-revoked-ngos/448791

References:

http://www.google.com/search

Nichols, Andrea “Female Circumcision” Senior Seminar Paper, Department of Sociology, Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville, http://www.siue.edu/~jfarley/nicho490.htm

Abusharaf, Rogaia Mustafa “Unmasking tradition: a Sudanese anthropologist confronts female “circumcision” and its terrible tenacity.” The Sciences, March-April 1998 v38 n2 p22(6).

Heise, Lori “Reproductive Freedom and Violence Against Women: Where are the Intersections?” Journal of Law, Medicine, and Ethics 1993,21,2, summer 206-216.

Taflinger, Richard F. “Taking Advantage Social Basis of Human Behavior: Sex”, http://www.wsu.edu/~taflinge/socsex.html, 1996.

An Open Letter to my Munnki

My dearest Munnki,

That in every prayer there is your name. In every breath there is scent of you. And in the very thought of mine there is your face. The love I have is true, the feeling I have is sincere. There is no question, there is no doubt and that in you I have trusted my fragile heart.

The heart that been broken many times, and within every pieces of it, with you I have sails the ocean of unknown that I don’t know it where it end. You challenged me; you made me believe in me; create the best in me without you realized you have painted a masterpiece in me.

There is no expectation for there is only hope. There is no wrong doing for there is no flaws pointed out of us; we know what we’re doing is for love we have. We love, we trust, we believe.

The light in your eyes you brought in to my life and with the smile I’ve brighten towards your days.

I’m with you and you are with me in every step. Through this rough world of us. Rejoice with the truth and does not delight in evil. Love always hopes, love always perseveres, love never fails.

And I love you, immensely…

your Puppi